Thursday, May 28, 2015

Hear Me Quickly, Lord. Ted Loder. Guerrillas of Grace.

a simple prayer for tired hearts. something that hit me hard and will stick with my forever. 
"Hear me quickly, Lord,
for my mind soon wanders to other things,
I am more familiar with
and more concerned about
than I am with you.
O Timeless God, for whom I do not have time,
catch me with a sudden stab of beauty
or pain
or regret 
that will catch me up short for a moment
to look hard enough at myself—
the unutterable terror and hope within me
and, so, to be caught by you. 
Words will not do, Lord.
Listen to my tears,
for I have lost much
and fear more.
Listen to my sweat,
for I wake at night
overwhelmed by darkness and strange dreams.
Listen to my sighs,
for my longing surges like the sea—
urgent, mysterious and beckoning.
Listen to my heart beat,
for I want to live fully
and stay death forever.
Listen to my breathing,
for I gulp after something like holiness. 
Listen to my clenched teeth,
for I gnaw at my grudges
and I forgive myself as reluctantly
as I forgive others. 
Listen to my growling gut,
for I hunger for bread and intimacy.
Listen to my curses,
for I am angry at the way the world
comes down on me sometimes,
and I sometimes on it.
Listen to my cracking knuckles,
for I hold very tightly to myself
and anxiously squeeze myself into other’s expectations,
and them into mine,
and then shake my fists at you
for disappointing me.
Listen to my sex,
for I seek fulfillment
through the man-woman differences
and beyond the differences
a new, common humanity.
Listen to my foot falls,
for I stumble to bring good tidings to someone.
Listen to my groans,
for I ache toward healing.
Listen to my worried weariness,
for my work matters much to me and needs help.
Listen to my tension,
for I stretch toward accepting who I am
and who I cannot be.
Listen to my wrinkles, 
for growing years make each day
singularly precious to me
and bring eternity breathtakingly close. 
Listen to my hunched back,
for sometimes I can’t bear
the needs and demands
of the world anymore
and want to put it down,
give it back to you. 
Listen to my laughter,
for there are friends and mercy
and the day grows longer,
and something urges me to thank. 
Listen to my humming
for sometimes I catch all unaware
the rhythms of creation
and then music without words
rises in me to meet it,
and there is the joy of romping children
and dancing angels.
Listen to my blinking eyes,
for at certain moments
when sunlight strikes just right,
or stars pierce the darkness just enough,
or clouds roll around just so,
or snow kisses the earth into quietness,
everything is suddenly transparent,
and crows announce the presence of another world,
and dogs bark at it,
and something in me is pure enough
for an instant
to see your kingdom in a glance,
and so to praise you in a gasp—
then gone,
but it is enough.
Listen to me quickly, Lord.

Monday, March 30, 2015


okay, so those aren't tulips, but it seemed like a fun caption.

spring has sprung and i have more thoughts swimming through my mind than ever before. -- with this post i hope to not offend anyone, but maybe to lighten some thoughts or even just a bad day. -- lately life has been quite the roller coaster (with many heart dropping downs) that's the ride of life, right? but i'm living in faith, and one thing for sure is that i believe, more than ever, in my Heavenly Father.

there are some people who have the ride of their life and don't seem to run into many road blocks (or show them at least), and there are some who are just the opposite. yet, as i look and observe the people around me i truly begin to understand what our teachers tell us in class on sunday. we are "the chosen ones". in 1 Peter 2:9 he says; "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light." --- how great is it to know the truthfulness of the gospel, and how great is it to have in our lives. 

April, 1992 (the year i was born, if you wanted to know) Gordon B. Hinckley gave a talking in General Conference, A Chosen Generation. in this talk he states:
"Truly, my dear young friends, you are a chosen generation. I hope you will never forget it. I hope you will never take it for granted. I hope there will grow in your hearts an overpowering sense of gratitude to God, who has made it possible for you to come upon the earth in this marvelous season of the world’s history."

this past year i have had to rely heavily on my Heavenly Father and try to put some pieces back together. it has been a very lonely process but i woke up today feeling not so alone. a friend of mine who served an LDS mission shared some words with me...

"I've come to learn a lot of times out here that things just don't happen the way we had planned or thought sometimes. and there are times when it's easier to see why and others not so easy. I've been with investigators that just seem absolutely golden, and they progress and progress and then for whatever reason they fall through. and you don't understand why. but then i just have to open my eyes a little and accept the will of God. Maybe at that time they weren't meant to take that step. Maybe i'm not the one who needs to see them get baptized, maybe it's another elder. Maybe there is more to the picture that i can't see as to why they don't do this right now. It's complicated, but at the same time so simple. We have to do what we can to do what we think is right, not only in our eyes but in God's, and do what we can to make it happen. but if it comes down to it, and that person decides to go another route, it is what it is...." "...But if we move on, with faith. and accept that God knows better than we do. Like i said it's not always easy. There's lots of things we go through in life that we don't understand. The thing we can understand is that something good will come."

today i am choosing to 'open my eyes a little and accept the will of God.' i know that if i continue in fear, Satan gains power over me. yet, if i continue in faith and do what i know and believe is right, the Lord will take care of everything. i am his daughter, and one of his strongest soldiers.
there is no one i would rather fight for.

a little something to leave on:
"You are not forgotten. Sisters (Brothers), wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love. Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time! He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters (sons) of His kingdom." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

i have been racking my brain as to how i should share
my thoughts and feelings in a way that would be understood. 
again, i hope i have not offended anyone and if not for anyone else,  
this was for me so thank you for letting me share.

oh, oh! if you are interested...
jump to this coming weekend to enjoy the amazing words spoken in general conference!

so much love

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

CASE ASAP (california, san diego)

This past year I have had the incredibly opportunity to be on UVUSAA (Utah Valley University Student Alumni Association), say that ten times fast! I have honestly learned so much and have become such a believer in the amazing institution that I attend. From meeting new people, networking, representing the university, planning and overseeing events, learning time management, solving problems and much more. This past week our board was able to go to the CASE ASAP Conference in Southern California. The conference was held in San Diego on the beautiful campus of UCSD. We were able to attend meetings and presentations on how to better our university and the alumni program. I seriously can not wait to see what we can do with all this great information. 
Here's to your future Utah Valley!

P.S. take me back to the beach!

Monday, March 02, 2015

a jazzy weekend.

Have you ever laughed so hard you start to cry? Have you ever laughed so hard that you spit something out of your mouth? Yeah, well, both happened to me this weekend and I loved every second of it! Even though I'm not a huge basketball fan... I will be the first to admit it was a WAY FUN night at the jazz game! ANDDDD!!! It made me so stoked for what is to come and the field I'm preparing to go into! Cheers to the future! I. AM. SO. EXCITED. FOR. YOU!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

girls day, on the town.

Salt Lake has become my new favorite place to explore and I even started researching new (secret) holes in the wall! I am craving the city life as of late and I'm really not mad about it. Well, other than the fact that I want to move to a studio apartment downtown and don't have the money for that. *insert frowning face emoji* Applications for a hubby with a great job ARE WELCOME! Also follow olivia gochnour's utah food instagram @utahgrubs! CHECK. IT. OUT! Salt Lake lunches and dinners have been rich my friends! Eva's Bakery, The Copper Onion, Banbury Cross Donuts, Hire's drinks... I could keep going, but you just need to go check em out yourself! 

Hey UT, you really pull through with great things! Thanks babe! 

Monday, February 23, 2015

WOWZA! she's back

Welp... big gulps, huh? I'm back and it feels good! Towards the end of the last I started reading too much into life, and running out of things to say. Which would have lead to me spilling the beans of life on here, and that would have been terrible. SO! She, me, I, is back! Happier than ever and incredibly blessed! Let me tell you what! There are good things to come to this little internet space of mine! --- Three pictures sum up my life lately! ALSO, things to come! New semester = 36 credits till graduation. A 4 day California conference aka: beach, beach, beach, and probably another beach! AND food! Because who doesn't love food? #treatyoselfSML

loves, and extreme amounts of kisses!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

bundle up

here's the thing. it's freezing outside and everyone seems to be on twitter talking about it! or complaining really... to be honest i love it. i really, really LOVE it! there is something about the cold that makes everything seems a little bit more perfect. relationships seems to be more full of fire, clothes are cuter, food is better, hot chocolate is craved like a drug (spending way too much money at starbucks). blankets are cozier, music is cheerful, noses are red, hands and toes are cold, but most importantly... hearts are the warmest of all! 

the past few years (3 to be exact) i have learned to love the holidays. all of my happiness came from them. practically saved for them! this year i am just as excited but i have a little worry in my heart. things will be much different this year, but i have faith all will be well. 

i don't talk much about people on my blog, or really even blog much. but tonight i am sitting here watching the holiday with my best friend hunter and i can't help but think how grateful i am for her. lately we have been together every day and it's been the closest thing to heaven and sanity i have had in a long while. hunter listens, and listens well. she internalizes everything before she speaks, and when she does it's completely from the heart with the best of intensions. -- for about five months now i have kept a lot of things to myself. i have just about the biggest secret collection in my mind, and monday night (of last week) it all came pouring out into hunter's living room. many tears fell and things were said that i know can be said with safety and open arms. needless to say, she made me feel a bit more normal again. 

anywho, here's to the holiday being different and learning that sometimes change has to happen.

winter kisses, and bundle up. 
it's a cold one out there!

Monday, October 13, 2014

inside my iphone

call me cheesy... but this weekend was a dream! (not to mention the past few months of my life) times have been hard and i've been down in the dumps for quite some time.. but not anymore! i've got way too much to live for, and for me to waste it on worrying about someone and the things they have to say or do is NONE of my business! i have A-MAZE-BALLS people in my life and i love them all so very much! i can't wait to see what the rest of two-thousand-and-fourteen has in store for me! also... three more months and it's a new year! like WHHAAA??? it's time to party my friends! bring on the school breaks, holidays, uvu men's soccer games, and snuggling with friends by a fire!

love what you got my little birdies! 
kisses to you all! 

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

the ninth month

WARNING: this is a typical blog post about fall coming! yet. i can testify that fall/winter has been my favorite time of year since... i can remember. especially since i've moved to college. i've been awfully sick the past forty-eight hours. laying on the couch watching movies to an intense rainstorm, **ooooohhs and ahhhhs are welcome** obviously day-dreaming about what has/is coming! uvu men's soccer to be one of them... byu football to be another!
hi, boys! but let me fill you in on some of the awesomenesses (yes, i made that word up) of september! 

// 1. the leaves start to change.
// 2. can you really look at that face and not want to snuggle? *key word, snuggle. cuddle up my friends!
// 4. rainy, rainy season. i love rainy season!
// 5. pumpkin spice everything. why, yes! i don't mind if i do.
// 6. socks! if you need to see a collection to get yours started... you are welcome to see mine. hint: j-crew & gap is your best friend.
// 7. nike! leggings. shirts. shoes. jackets. everything. for when you don't want to get ready. oh, that's every day...? yeah, me too!
// 8. two of my favorite 'M' words. men and motorcycles. alpine loop anyone? 

now, i'm trusting you with my list. 
take it! run! go. do. these. things!!
hugs, hopeful snuggles, and kisses!

Monday, August 25, 2014

first day of many.

here mom! my first day of senior year all over again...! except i have two more years of classes left, so like.... cool! but all and all it was a great day! still trying to figure out the "perfect" schedule, but i'm beginning to believe that doesn't really exist. -- tonight we partied at freshman convocation and it was too good to be true! i love what i do and the people i do it with!

here's to a new year of school, friends, and having a grand ol time!

xoxo, miss