Wednesday, January 20, 2016

your future is bright as your faith

so here's the thing... it's been a LONNGGG time since i've posted something on here and i recently gave a talk in church and i'm just feeling like the internet could use a little positive vibes, and some hope. so here it is...

good morning my bright and shining humans! 

** first off! tweedledee and tweedledum left me with 25 minutes to fill for the remainder of sacrament. so i was panicking hard core.**

so here’s how the story of how we got asked to speak in church… taylor (my roommate) got asked to come 30 minutes before church because she was getting a new calling. so jos (other roommate) and i thought we’d be nice roommates and just go early with her. well come to find out that’s a bad idea. we were totally ambushed, when the bishop came up to us and asked us to speak, i immediately jumped to asking if i could sing instead. he shut me down real fast and continued with the topics we could speak on. so in shear panic when i heard the word faith i jumped to picking that topic without really thinking it through. the rest of the day i kicked myself for picking faith because boy have i had to have faith lately. 

my topic was the shield of faith, and in ephesians 6:16 it reads, "Above all taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." 

as i sat there over the week trying to ponder what in the world i was going to say… i kept thinking about the different situations in my life where i had to use my faith.. like... having faith that when my parents said that going to college, alone, was the most logical thing to do instead of dancing professionally.. or... telling myself that i wasn't absolutely insane for quitting the dance team after 18 year of dancing and doing something new. i had to have faith that mine and other’s choices were sound choices, and had to believe something good would come of it.. 

awesome enough, i'm here to say that i'm okay! i'm alive. i'm graduating college in three months, and even though i miss dance terribly... not being on the team led to some really great opportunities, changing my major, and meeting some amazing people. so this topic is very near, and very dear to my heart and i now am more than ever, extremely grateful to speak to you today. (or have you read my talk)

if there is one thing i hope to give you from this talk is something that you can relate to. my talk may be a little different but i don't want to sit here and tell you a time old story about the faith that joseph smith had, or lehi, nephi, or anyone else far and in between. times have changed and to be honest... they will only get harder and harder. through the hard times of family, friendships, relationships, school, church and whatever else life throws at us we need faith. 

so i am a communication PR major at uvu and as PR students we are taught “the crisis plan” so we discuss things like a call to action, strategies, difficulties, opportunities, and tools… or armor, if you will, to safe our clients from bad media, a company crashing or in this case… the adversary. i have found that, for myself, there has been three steps to building my personal crisis plan… aka my shield of faith. 

1. trust those that have faith. you can't have your own faith unless you have trusted in someone else's faith. when you were a little kid you were told things like: the stove is hot, or noah built and big boat and put a bunch of animals on it. and you said, okay! fair enough! but sometimes fair enough, isn't good enough and you have to find out for yourself. there will be times when you are burned.. by a stove, scorching pizza, or even people. there will be times when a big boat with a bunch of animal on it just doesn't quite seem right... which leads me to number two.  

2. exercise faith... even when you don't have it at the time. these are the primary things we do. saying your prayers, even when you have to roll yourself out of bed. going to church even though you just can’t seem to find a great outfit for those cuties in the ward, or swinging by f.h.e even though you're not hungry. it's the little habits we create by exercising faith that will strengthen our shield over time. james e. faust said "to sustain faith, each of us must be humble and compassionate, kind and generous to the poor and the needy. Faith is further sustained by daily doses of spirituality that come to us as we kneel in prayer. It begins with us as individuals and extends to our families, who need to be solidified in righteousness. Honesty, decency, integrity, and morality are all necessary ingredients of our faith and will provide sanctuary for our souls.”

3. the first two steps are more guided to faith in our even day lives but my third step is more geared to our heavenly father. this last one might seem a little weird, or hard to do at times.. but it has honestly been a make it or break it building block in my faith towards my heavenly father... back story: one night i was talking to tommy wells (a kid in my ward) about "woe is me." then a few minutes later he said something that has stuck with me ever since. he said "god has scarified SO much for us, we all know that... but maybe YOU just might have to sacrifice for him for a while. at first i thought, okay, ouch! did you just call me selfish? and honestly i just looked at him and shook my head. but later that night when i went home i knelt to pray and quite literally told my heavenly father, i will sacrifice for you.

by swallowing our pride and humbling ourselves you begin to see the light of christ and more fully realize that everything will be okay.

so! with it being a new year... make yourself some goals to build your faith. russell m. nelson tells us to be patient with ourselves, that perfection doesn't come in this life... but in the next. try not to demand things that are unreasonable. BUT! to demand of yourself improvement. let the lord help you! and through that.. he will make the difference.

my favorite quote is a simple one: "human kind... be both." faith is such a broad, large, and overwhelming topic. one that we might never fully understand until much later into eternity, so we must remember that we are human. we will mess up. we will get down on ourselves. we will be unkind, frustrated or even lost at times. but i promise you that if you remember that you are human, to be kind to others, and have faith (even if you don't believe it at the time) everything will be okay. 

with that id like to bare my testimony… i believe that the mind is a very powerful thing. whatever you begin to tell yourself, will eventually become your reality. so tell yourself good things. surround yourself with good people. people who love you, care for you and about you. people who trust you and expect that trust in return. make goals and challenge yourself. remember who you are and what you're capable of. you have a purpose in life! lift up and empower people. we are all going through something. take the time to be more aware of your surroundings. learn to love yourself, and through that you will love other people. i know that my heavenly father live. he is my lighthouse, my silent night, my reminder that everything will be okay, and that he is watching over me. choices i make good, better, bad, or simply just seeing what will happen, i know that he is there. "he grabbed me, he held me, and he refused to let me fall." i know that those experiences have shaped me into the person i am today. i know that the people who pass by, stay, or leave my life were meant to teach me something. i have learned to love more than i ever thought i could. i have learned to forgive indefinitely. i have learned that all people have good inside of them. and i have learned to protect not only myself but those that i love around me. i know his hand is in all things. for the pain i feel i know he has felt, and for the happiness i receive i know he gives me. i have never been so close to my father in heaven and that is what i am truly grateful for. i know my savior lives. i know that i am a daughter of god. i know he loves me.

in the name of our loving savior, jesus chirst, amen. 

i really hope this could hit home for someone. someone who just needs to know they are loved. i promise you that your savior, and heavenly father love you more than you could ever imagine. yet, not only do they, but i do too. we may have never met before... but i love you.


Thursday, May 28, 2015

Hear Me Quickly, Lord. Ted Loder. Guerrillas of Grace.

a simple prayer for tired hearts. something that hit me hard and will stick with my forever. 
"Hear me quickly, Lord,
for my mind soon wanders to other things,
I am more familiar with
and more concerned about
than I am with you.
O Timeless God, for whom I do not have time,
catch me with a sudden stab of beauty
or pain
or regret 
that will catch me up short for a moment
to look hard enough at myself—
the unutterable terror and hope within me
and, so, to be caught by you. 
Words will not do, Lord.
Listen to my tears,
for I have lost much
and fear more.
Listen to my sweat,
for I wake at night
overwhelmed by darkness and strange dreams.
Listen to my sighs,
for my longing surges like the sea—
urgent, mysterious and beckoning.
Listen to my heart beat,
for I want to live fully
and stay death forever.
Listen to my breathing,
for I gulp after something like holiness. 
Listen to my clenched teeth,
for I gnaw at my grudges
and I forgive myself as reluctantly
as I forgive others. 
Listen to my growling gut,
for I hunger for bread and intimacy.
Listen to my curses,
for I am angry at the way the world
comes down on me sometimes,
and I sometimes on it.
Listen to my cracking knuckles,
for I hold very tightly to myself
and anxiously squeeze myself into other’s expectations,
and them into mine,
and then shake my fists at you
for disappointing me.
Listen to my sex,
for I seek fulfillment
through the man-woman differences
and beyond the differences
a new, common humanity.
Listen to my foot falls,
for I stumble to bring good tidings to someone.
Listen to my groans,
for I ache toward healing.
Listen to my worried weariness,
for my work matters much to me and needs help.
Listen to my tension,
for I stretch toward accepting who I am
and who I cannot be.
Listen to my wrinkles, 
for growing years make each day
singularly precious to me
and bring eternity breathtakingly close. 
Listen to my hunched back,
for sometimes I can’t bear
the needs and demands
of the world anymore
and want to put it down,
give it back to you. 
Listen to my laughter,
for there are friends and mercy
and the day grows longer,
and something urges me to thank. 
Listen to my humming
for sometimes I catch all unaware
the rhythms of creation
and then music without words
rises in me to meet it,
and there is the joy of romping children
and dancing angels.
Listen to my blinking eyes,
for at certain moments
when sunlight strikes just right,
or stars pierce the darkness just enough,
or clouds roll around just so,
or snow kisses the earth into quietness,
everything is suddenly transparent,
and crows announce the presence of another world,
and dogs bark at it,
and something in me is pure enough
for an instant
to see your kingdom in a glance,
and so to praise you in a gasp—
then gone,
but it is enough.
Listen to me quickly, Lord.

Monday, March 30, 2015


okay, so those aren't tulips, but it seemed like a fun caption.

spring has sprung and i have more thoughts swimming through my mind than ever before. -- with this post i hope to not offend anyone, but maybe to lighten some thoughts or even just a bad day. -- lately life has been quite the roller coaster (with many heart dropping downs) that's the ride of life, right? but i'm living in faith, and one thing for sure is that i believe, more than ever, in my Heavenly Father.

there are some people who have the ride of their life and don't seem to run into many road blocks (or show them at least), and there are some who are just the opposite. yet, as i look and observe the people around me i truly begin to understand what our teachers tell us in class on sunday. we are "the chosen ones". in 1 Peter 2:9 he says; "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light." --- how great is it to know the truthfulness of the gospel, and how great is it to have in our lives. 

April, 1992 (the year i was born, if you wanted to know) Gordon B. Hinckley gave a talking in General Conference, A Chosen Generation. in this talk he states:
"Truly, my dear young friends, you are a chosen generation. I hope you will never forget it. I hope you will never take it for granted. I hope there will grow in your hearts an overpowering sense of gratitude to God, who has made it possible for you to come upon the earth in this marvelous season of the world’s history."

this past year i have had to rely heavily on my Heavenly Father and try to put some pieces back together. it has been a very lonely process but i woke up today feeling not so alone. a friend of mine who served an LDS mission shared some words with me...

"I've come to learn a lot of times out here that things just don't happen the way we had planned or thought sometimes. and there are times when it's easier to see why and others not so easy. I've been with investigators that just seem absolutely golden, and they progress and progress and then for whatever reason they fall through. and you don't understand why. but then i just have to open my eyes a little and accept the will of God. Maybe at that time they weren't meant to take that step. Maybe i'm not the one who needs to see them get baptized, maybe it's another elder. Maybe there is more to the picture that i can't see as to why they don't do this right now. It's complicated, but at the same time so simple. We have to do what we can to do what we think is right, not only in our eyes but in God's, and do what we can to make it happen. but if it comes down to it, and that person decides to go another route, it is what it is...." "...But if we move on, with faith. and accept that God knows better than we do. Like i said it's not always easy. There's lots of things we go through in life that we don't understand. The thing we can understand is that something good will come."

today i am choosing to 'open my eyes a little and accept the will of God.' i know that if i continue in fear, Satan gains power over me. yet, if i continue in faith and do what i know and believe is right, the Lord will take care of everything. i am his daughter, and one of his strongest soldiers.
there is no one i would rather fight for.

a little something to leave on:
"You are not forgotten. Sisters (Brothers), wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love. Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time! He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters (sons) of His kingdom." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

i have been racking my brain as to how i should share
my thoughts and feelings in a way that would be understood. 
again, i hope i have not offended anyone and if not for anyone else,  
this was for me so thank you for letting me share.

oh, oh! if you are interested...
jump to this coming weekend to enjoy the amazing words spoken in general conference!

so much love

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

CASE ASAP (california, san diego)

This past year I have had the incredibly opportunity to be on UVUSAA (Utah Valley University Student Alumni Association), say that ten times fast! I have honestly learned so much and have become such a believer in the amazing institution that I attend. From meeting new people, networking, representing the university, planning and overseeing events, learning time management, solving problems and much more. This past week our board was able to go to the CASE ASAP Conference in Southern California. The conference was held in San Diego on the beautiful campus of UCSD. We were able to attend meetings and presentations on how to better our university and the alumni program. I seriously can not wait to see what we can do with all this great information. 
Here's to your future Utah Valley!

P.S. take me back to the beach!

Monday, March 02, 2015

a jazzy weekend.

Have you ever laughed so hard you start to cry? Have you ever laughed so hard that you spit something out of your mouth? Yeah, well, both happened to me this weekend and I loved every second of it! Even though I'm not a huge basketball fan... I will be the first to admit it was a WAY FUN night at the jazz game! ANDDDD!!! It made me so stoked for what is to come and the field I'm preparing to go into! Cheers to the future! I. AM. SO. EXCITED. FOR. YOU!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

girls day, on the town.

Salt Lake has become my new favorite place to explore and I even started researching new (secret) holes in the wall! I am craving the city life as of late and I'm really not mad about it. Well, other than the fact that I want to move to a studio apartment downtown and don't have the money for that. *insert frowning face emoji* Applications for a hubby with a great job ARE WELCOME! Also follow olivia gochnour's utah food instagram @utahgrubs! CHECK. IT. OUT! Salt Lake lunches and dinners have been rich my friends! Eva's Bakery, The Copper Onion, Banbury Cross Donuts, Hire's drinks... I could keep going, but you just need to go check em out yourself! 

Hey UT, you really pull through with great things! Thanks babe! 

Monday, February 23, 2015

WOWZA! she's back

Welp... big gulps, huh? I'm back and it feels good! Towards the end of the last I started reading too much into life, and running out of things to say. Which would have lead to me spilling the beans of life on here, and that would have been terrible. SO! She, me, I, is back! Happier than ever and incredibly blessed! Let me tell you what! There are good things to come to this little internet space of mine! --- Three pictures sum up my life lately! ALSO, things to come! New semester = 36 credits till graduation. A 4 day California conference aka: beach, beach, beach, and probably another beach! AND food! Because who doesn't love food? #treatyoselfSML

loves, and extreme amounts of kisses!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

bundle up

here's the thing. it's freezing outside and everyone seems to be on twitter talking about it! or complaining really... to be honest i love it. i really, really LOVE it! there is something about the cold that makes everything seems a little bit more perfect. relationships seems to be more full of fire, clothes are cuter, food is better, hot chocolate is craved like a drug (spending way too much money at starbucks). blankets are cozier, music is cheerful, noses are red, hands and toes are cold, but most importantly... hearts are the warmest of all! 

the past few years (3 to be exact) i have learned to love the holidays. all of my happiness came from them. practically saved for them! this year i am just as excited but i have a little worry in my heart. things will be much different this year, but i have faith all will be well. 

i don't talk much about people on my blog, or really even blog much. but tonight i am sitting here watching the holiday with my best friend hunter and i can't help but think how grateful i am for her. lately we have been together every day and it's been the closest thing to heaven and sanity i have had in a long while. hunter listens, and listens well. she internalizes everything before she speaks, and when she does it's completely from the heart with the best of intensions. -- for about five months now i have kept a lot of things to myself. i have just about the biggest secret collection in my mind, and monday night (of last week) it all came pouring out into hunter's living room. many tears fell and things were said that i know can be said with safety and open arms. needless to say, she made me feel a bit more normal again. 

anywho, here's to the holiday being different and learning that sometimes change has to happen.

winter kisses, and bundle up. 
it's a cold one out there!

Monday, October 13, 2014

inside my iphone

call me cheesy... but this weekend was a dream! (not to mention the past few months of my life) times have been hard and i've been down in the dumps for quite some time.. but not anymore! i've got way too much to live for, and for me to waste it on worrying about someone and the things they have to say or do is NONE of my business! i have A-MAZE-BALLS people in my life and i love them all so very much! i can't wait to see what the rest of two-thousand-and-fourteen has in store for me! also... three more months and it's a new year! like WHHAAA??? it's time to party my friends! bring on the school breaks, holidays, uvu men's soccer games, and snuggling with friends by a fire!

love what you got my little birdies! 
kisses to you all! 

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

the ninth month

WARNING: this is a typical blog post about fall coming! yet. i can testify that fall/winter has been my favorite time of year since... i can remember. especially since i've moved to college. i've been awfully sick the past forty-eight hours. laying on the couch watching movies to an intense rainstorm, **ooooohhs and ahhhhs are welcome** obviously day-dreaming about what has/is coming! uvu men's soccer to be one of them... byu football to be another!
hi, boys! but let me fill you in on some of the awesomenesses (yes, i made that word up) of september! 

// 1. the leaves start to change.
// 2. can you really look at that face and not want to snuggle? *key word, snuggle. cuddle up my friends!
// 4. rainy, rainy season. i love rainy season!
// 5. pumpkin spice everything. why, yes! i don't mind if i do.
// 6. socks! if you need to see a collection to get yours started... you are welcome to see mine. hint: j-crew & gap is your best friend.
// 7. nike! leggings. shirts. shoes. jackets. everything. for when you don't want to get ready. oh, that's every day...? yeah, me too!
// 8. two of my favorite 'M' words. men and motorcycles. alpine loop anyone? 

now, i'm trusting you with my list. 
take it! run! go. do. these. things!!
hugs, hopeful snuggles, and kisses!